Beneath the dark it is silent. A matted muted room with no view but too much feeling. A dampened cry of all your vanquished wishes. Festering, languishing, perpetually and unendingly unfulfilled. This longing the stuff of starvation, the ever hungry ghost. And here you are, with all your demons, all your ghosts, all your lost loves and past versions of a happier self. All broken pieces of dreams scattered about you on the floor.
It is here, where you begin. It is here where your essence takes root. It is here, where you whittle away all the nonsense and unearth your raw power. The potent potion of your suffering finds its way to your lips, a tonic of the truth, a tonic of what it takes to remain on this planet everyday.
This life, this time, is no joke. Find the choice you made before you embodied this body to be here for this. Find any choice you made at any point anywhere. Find choice.
Because we find ourselves at this crossroads my friends. And I’m pretty sure we need these two superpowers above all others:
So drink up my friends, that bitter tonic you’ve been toiling over, this medicine of wallow, of grief, of rage, of speechless, of dismay. Imbibe the lessons of yesteryear as we move to slough and shed. Let them become you and fortify you. Consider forgetting such potent lessons as sacrilege. Drink up and drink down: let this darkness shatter and ricochet off the empty chambers of your heart where joy once lived.
This whole year has been an emptying. a reckoning, and raw-ening. Strip away the layers of flurry and of excess and too-much-ness and social closeness and gathering and all the mundane and seemingly “given” things about life – those things that we were so used to that to take them away has left us all deliriously discombobulated and stumbling through a year, half conscious, half numb. Half brave-face, half falling apart. And with half-faces we muddle through because we must, we have to. And with so much stripping away of so many things we find ourselves raw and numb and hurting and numbing some more and raging and resisting and staring at the abyss of a world that none of us were prepared for.
Amidst this numbness and too much feeling, find your choice.
Amidst all the bitterness and loss, the emptiness and the rawness, find your love.
Our humanity. literally. depends on it. depends on you.
So drink up my friends. Let your fireside festive drink this year be the tonic of love and the tonic of choice. Find them both, amidst the dark and the muted and the dampened. How will you choose to show up? What will you choose to give your attention to? How will you let yourself be in love and in choice, in this new coming of the light?
Find your choice rooted amidst the grit. Find your love, made evermore potent by all that you have lost.