On letting your loss point you towards your love

The story I will tell of these two years in Nevada City is that I came here to heal. I came here to heal the obvious wounds, and the wounds that were more hidden – deeper, older, more obscure, in some ways forgotten, and in some ways brimming to the surface in the wake of…

Returning of the light – the 2017 Christmas Story

On December 7, 2017, the 2 year anniversary (to the day) of being mugged at gunpoint, my car was broken into for the 3rd time. I made the stupid move of leaving my bag (with laptop) in my car for 20 minutes in Temescal, Oakland. I came back to a smashed window and my bag,…

follow it to find it

I’m having this fascinating experience of witnessing my life heading in a direction that I was not expecting. There are things I assume that I know about myself, that I make shit happen, that I build community and hold center and network. That I live in a certain place and do certain things. And I…

What to do when grieving and lost. Advice from the bottom of the well.

I’m no expert. Just my experience and what is helping me cope with some hard times. Some of these ways of coping contradict each other. Maybe that’s the nature of the beast. Maybe you will find something useful here, amidst the confusion and the contradiction. 1) Accept the bigness of your feelings. Don’t waste the…

Bottom of the well

Like sludge at the bottom of a dried up well. Hundreds of feet of earth towers over me, the opening, a pinprick of sky, far beyond my reaches. My buckled body, folded in on itself, this deep dark mud slicked over forearms, streaked across my face, smeared on knocking knees. An out-breath. A shattering. My…